We’ve had the hors d’oeuvres of pre-season, the Community Shield has been sorted for another year and now it’s only a matter of days before the English Premier League gets going for 2009 /2010.

So, what can we expect from the next 10 months?

Regular columnist Andy Kay has dusted off his crystal ball and has been looking in to the future. Here’s his month by month preview of what will happen between now and May.


The season is only a matter of days old when Sir Alex Ferguson complains that the fixture computer is biased against his team. Fergie’s comments follow a long, arduous midweek journey….to Burnley.


Manchester City buy Harrods as the new club shop.


Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez says he won’t be so vocal this season and joins a silent order of Carthusian monks. Benitez emerges 25 minutes later saying the Abbot is plotting against him and that he’s got a dossier to prove it.

Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore announces plans for a ’39th game’ to take place on the Moon. Critics say the plan will never work but supporters point out that as Scudamore is clearly from another planet, perhaps he might know best.


Manchester City trade in their 52 seater, luxury club coach for Air Force One.

QPR owner Flavio Briatore announces that he’s combining the football club with his Formula One business. Queens Park Rangers becomes Queens Park Racing, you now need a £750 Paddock Pass just to get in to Loftus Road and Martin Brundle is hired as the club’s new PA man.


The collapse of Setanta is keenly felt after the Scottish FA receives their first and only complaint that there’s been no Scottish football on the TV.

Manchester City buy the Queen as the club’s new mascot.


Disaster for Newcastle United. Playing in their now famous two-tone lemon away kit, the entire first team squad is mistaken for a mass order of Angel Delight and is returned to the shelves by Tesco security.


After leading Inter Milan to another title, Jose Mourinho announces that he’s no longer ‘The Special One’ and is, in fact, Peru.


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