The Times Online have featured a spoof letter addressed to Nicklas Bendtner from Nike.
We are writing to you today to inform you that we are terminating the contract that allows you to wear our new Nike Mercurial Vapor Rosa boots.
At Nike we worked long and hard on the celebrated pink boots and each time we see a player sporting the Rosas all of us here at Nike feel a great sense of pride.
However, here at Nike we believe in sticking to our word above all else.' To us there is nothing worse than breaking a promise.' I must now point you in the direction of our press release for the Rosas.
“The Mercurial Vapor is the boot of choice for some of the fastest and most prolific strikers in football today.”
While we certainly admire your stand-out confidence Nicklas, we feel that we may have been a bit rash when handing you the Rosas.' We feel that though you have a lot of potential it would not be fair to class you as one of the “most prolific strikers in football today”.
We understand that you will be hugely disappointed by this notification but we must act in the best interests of Nike and currently your performances are slowly beginning to tarnish the pristine reputation of this company.
We greeted your goal against Dynamo Kiev with many a cheer in the Nike office as your first goal in the Rosas was awaited with baited breath.' But despite this, the glaring one-on-one chances that you squandered against Burnley eclipsed the small success of the Kiev goal.
At Nike, we view teamwork as a holy principle that should not be voided by any callous individual.' On Tuesday, it was apparent that you were going out of your way to run around in circles instead of playing simple balls to your teammates.' There were flashes of potential, but once again these stood in the shadow of your painfully clear errors.
We can understand some of your frustration in playing in the Carling Cup, but what you must realise is that you put on a display of incompetence and petulance that shamed you, your team and most importantly the sacred Rosas.
Here at Nike we can no longer associate our showcase product with your sub-par finishing and misplaced arrogance.
It is with a deep sense of sadness (rarely is our judgement so poor) that we have decided to terminate your association with the Nike Mercurial Vapor Rosa boots.' You must turn in your boots to your nearest Nike outlet and resume play with your previous model.' If you are seen to be wearing the Rosas again within a ten mile radius of Arsenal’s training ground or the Emirates Stadium, then you will be contacted by our legal team.
Wishing you all the best on your Rosa-less future.
Nice work at The Times….