Styles style

Rob Styles has apologised to Bolton after erroneously awarding a penalty to Manchester United in the Premier League game between the two sides at the weekend. The fact that he’s said sorry shows he’s got a bit of character about him. As a result of holding his hands up, Styles will ref the game between Spurs and Hull City on Sunday. There will be some who think Styles should be dropped from the EPL fixture list and demoted to a game of lesser importance, although try telling the supporters of say Sheffield Wednesday and Sheffield United, who also meet on Sunday, that they’re less important than Tottenham and Tigers fans! The old adage suggests that when you fall off a horse, you should get straight back on. Styles isn’t the best in the top flight and he’s made some howlers of late but he doesn’t cock up on purpose and until the PGMOB come up with a superior replacement (and a better name for themselves come to that), he should be allowed to get on with it.

Old refs

Mind you, talking of the men in black, do you remember the old days, when referee’s were part time, earned a few quid for taking charge of games and we, the fans, discussed appallingly bad decisions once in a blue moon? Good, wasn’t it?

Sol abuse

Last week, Footy Boots got on its high horse to complain about the pitiful fine handed down by Fifa to Croatia after the racist abuse suffered by Emile Heskey in Zagreb. This week, it isn’t racist abuse that’s hit the headlines, but the sickening homophobic chants aimed at Sol Campbell by Spurs fans. So, what will be done about it? Having lodged a complaint against the Croatian Football Federation, the FA and / or the PL can do nothing else apart from censure Tottenham, even though the club, like the Croatian football hierarchy, aren’t directly responsible for the actions of their cretinous fans. It is, however, the only language these idiots understand. Just as Croatia should be playing their next two home games behind closed doors, so Spurs supporters, if indeed that’s what they are, should be banned from attending their side’s next two away games. And should they get uppity about it, then perhaps we should ask the question why didn’t they sort it out themselves at the time? Hampshire police decided not to move in because of the sheer number of people involved. The ‘it wasn’t me Guv’ argument just doesn’t wash here.

QPC

The mega rich owners of Queens Park Rangers, not content with charging some supporters £50 to watch a Championship game, are now considering changing the name of the club to Queens Park City. The idea, so I’m led to believe, is to reinforce with outsiders the club’s geographical location within London.  Now you’d have thought, having been formed in 1882, that most football followers would have gathered by now that QPR have done and still do play their home matches in the capital city. Perhaps Bernie and Flavio’s jet-set Formula 1 mates are the ones in the dark? It brings to mind Jeff Stelling’s top line from Gillette Soccer Saturday a few years back. After another big win for Total Network Solutions, Stelling marked the achievement with the now immortal phrase “and they’ll be dancing in the streets of TNS tonight.” Brilliant.

Styles – ish Ferguson

One last point on Rob Styles and his performance at Old Trafford on Saturday.

Before the game – Fergie has a go at him and demands protection for his players.

During the game – Man Utd get a non existent penalty awarded to them.

After the game – Fergie commiserates with Bolton boss Gary Megson about the injustice of it all.

You have to hand it to Sir Alex. Love him or hate him……he’s a genius.

What was the worst aspect of the ‘phantom goal’ awarded to Reading against Watford at the weekend?

Well, first off you have to say it was a gaffe of major proportions.

Assistant referee Nigel Bannister was adamant that the ball had crossed the line even though it was 4 yards wide of the sticks at the time.

Referee Stuart Atwell, a young, ambitious and highly thought of official, allowed himself to be swayed by his assistant, even though he was in a far better position to see, and awarded the goal to the Royals.

Total cock up, total farce.

But, wasn’t what happened after this even worse? Let’s look at the reactions of the parties involved.

First off, every single Reading player knew that they hadn’t scored. Yet all 11 of them happily trotted back to their own half when Atwell made his mistake. No-one was big enough, man enough or brave enough to buck the trend of the modern day player (and some would say modern day Britain) and approach the officials in an attempt to make them change their minds.

Stephen Hunt said afterwards: “It was a screamer! No, it was probably the worst decision I have ever witnessed.”

“We can’t do anything about it. It’s not our mistake, but what can you do? You can’t say, no ref, it wasn’t in.”

Really? Why not? It might make you unpopular with your team-mates and the fans but that’s exactly what you can do.

Steve Coppell’s performance wasn’t much better either.

He said that his team would happily replay the game if the Football League so ordered it, which they’ve confirmed they won’t do. But a replay was never necessary.

Coppell should have instructed his side to allow Watford to score an uncontested goal from the resulting kick off.

Remember, Reading went ahead through a truly atrocious error. This wasn’t a goal scored from a tight, offside position or from a spot kick won by a player diving and conning the ref…the ball didn’t go in at all.

Coppell’s view was this: “The responsibility is not with the opposition to right a wrong. It is up to the officials to get it as right as they can,”

So that’s clear then. And I’m sure he would have said exactly the same if the boot had been on the other foot.

Talking of which, you could argue that Aidy Boothroyd’s reaction to all of this is the worst of the lot.

As the wronged manager he had a go at the officials and no-one would deny him the right to do that. But then he went on to defend Reading’s actions by saying: “I don’t expect players to take things into their own hands. It’s not up to them.

“If someone stops you in a car park and gives you a present you don’t say no do you?”

Well hang on Aidy, you can’t have it both ways mate. It sounds just plain wrong to criticize the officials for getting it wrong in one breath then with the other, admit you’d have done the same thing as Reading, ie happily profit from the error by doing nothing.

Let’s be clear. This debacle isn’t about replays, goal line technology or uncontested goals. It’s about one thing and one thing only. Sportsmanship.

Sadly for the game there was little sportsmanship in evidence either on or off the pitch at Vicarage Road at the weekend.

Rome final

There are some of us who feel it is madness to award this season’s Champions League final to Rome when AS Roma are playing in the competition. Although, to be fair, it’s par for the course in the great tradition of Uefa decisions. For a start, if they get to the final they’ll have a huge advantage. Secondly, the fans in Rome, or at least a significant number of them, are violent and disrespectful and don’t deserve to get to see such a big game in their own back yard. And thirdly…….oh hang on. Roma have just been beaten at home by Romanian minnows CFR Cluj-Napoca who were playing third tier football as recently as 7 years ago. Perhaps Uefa aren’t as bonkers as we all believe as on this form, Roma might not get out of the group let alone to the final.

Red rage Guthrie

We can argue about the rights and wrongs of John Terry winning his red card appeal till we are blue in the face, but the simple fact is that if he’d have lost, Terry would have been forced to sit on the sidelines for the same amount of time as Danny Guthrie. How on earth can that be right? Terry’s foul was ‘professional’ for sure but as for being ‘serious foul play’, well not even the appeals board agreed with the ref on that one. Whilst an apologetic Guthrie may not have planned for the result of his challenge, his assault on Craig Fagan was premeditated and committed with malice aforethought. Fagan is now out for 3 months with a broken leg and, in what is a perfect opportunity for the Premier League to make the punishment fit the crime, that is exactly how long Guthrie should be banned for.

Newcastle sale

Still in the North East, having made enquiries as to the particulars of the Newcastle United sale, we can now pass on some of the requirements the club are looking for in their new owner. Any potential candidate:

Must be on a sound financial footing and understanding of the locals.
Anyone  know any mega rich Geordies with £481 million in change? No, thought not.

Must agree that Kevin Keegan will be re-hired as manager on the day of purchase.
Even when most experts and commentators will tell you that, lovely bloke though he is, Kevin is out of touch with the demands of modern day football.

Must use the phrase ‘we are a big club’ at every opportunity.
Though everyone in the game, not on Tyneside, knows that they’re not.

Must continue to refer to Alan Shearer as a Toon Legend.
Even though Shearer has, quite rightly, been as critical of the club as most other people.

Must be off their rocker to get involved.
No comment required on that one.

One arm Ramos

It’s hard not to feel sorry for Juande Ramos with Spurs currently languishing at the bottom of the table having taken 1 point from the opening 4 games. Mind you, the question that must be asked is this: Is it really the fault of the Spanish coach? And the answer is probably not. OK, he’s the one on the training ground, setting out tactics and formations and he’s the one on the touchline barking out orders. But crucially, he’s not the one in the boardroom deciding who to buy and sell. Spurs may have landed Luka Modric, Roman Pavlyuchenko and David Bentley but they’ve lost Dimitar Berbatov and Robbie Keane who scored 30 league goals between them last season. And all on the say-so of Director of Football Damien Comolli. When are club owners going to get it? If you employ a high profile coach, give him the ammunition to do things his way. Why tie one arm behind his back? Is it really so complicated? Indeed, here’s a new phrase for you: ‘Those who can, coach. Those who can’t become Director’s of Football’.

Passing the buck

As one England fan put it after the 2 – 0 win Andorra: “We’ve got players out there on 100 grand a week and they can’t even pass the ball from A to B.” Quite. It’s amazing that coach Fabio Capello has got away with hardly any stick in the press, particularly when his team scored 1 less goal against the same opposition as Steve McClaren’s side managed 18 months earlier. True, Andorra put 9 men behind the ball – but they weren’t exactly 9 top line players now were they? Instead, the Italian actually got praised for his half time changes. Not that it was too tricky to see that Stewart Downing was nothing short of dreadful and poor old Jermaine Defoe wasn’t getting a kick as the quality of the delivery to him was of Royal Mail standard. Capello has been in the job for 6 months which means he’s earned somewhere in the region of £3 million. With Croatia on the horizon tomorrow, it’s pay back time for the nation. England must perform in Zagreb…some Terry Butcher or Paul Ince blooded heroics wouldn’t go amiss, nor would a half decent showing.

Anyone watching

Perhaps the low key reaction to England’s performance on Saturday was down to the fact that hardly anyone was watching. Official figures show that on average only 922,000 bothered to tune in to the game which was being aired by PPV channel Setanta. More would have seen the match if highlights had been available but none of the terrestrial channels fancied paying Setanta’s £1 million asking price. It’s unfair to make a comparison here, but as there’s a gag to share with you, I’m going to anyway. In China (population 1.3 billion) 800 million people tuned in to the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. As one journalist asked at the time: “800 million eh, what were the other 500 million people doing during the opening ceremony?” The answer to which is….they were in it!

Titles

Just to experience what poor Kevin Keegan had to go through at St James’ Park, we in the Kay household have decided to operate under a Mike Ashley / Newcastle United ridiculous job description basis for the past few days. So far, reaction has been mixed. The wife (Senior Vice President, Naughty Lingerie & Spin Drying) is OK with it as is the oldest boy (Executive Director, Meccano). However, the youngest son (Managing Director, Nappies & Projectile Vomiting) hasn’t quite got it yet. Mind you, he’s only 3 years old…..though even now, he’s taller than Dennis Wise.

Directing

Still on the subject of Newcastle United, former Toon favourite Les Ferdinand got it right this week when he said that any Director of Football should report directly to the club manager. Exactly. Do the paperwork, sort out the contracts, buy and sell who the manager wants purchased and offloaded. It can’t work the other way round. A manager lives and dies by his results. How on earth can he be judged if his team is made up of players he doesn’t want? Or individuals who just aren’t good enough and are only on the field as better players have been sold against his wishes? Such a system wouldn’t be tolerated in any other business. Nor should it be in football when the likes of Keegan and Alan Curbishley suffer because of it.

Missing Sven.

Horror of horrors. There are people writing in to football message boards actually saying that England would have a better chance in Croatia with Sven in charge rather than Capello. Short memories or what? Mind you, there must be a few of us who think it matters not a jot who’s in the hot seat as they all end up doing pretty much the same job. By and large they pick the same players, employ similar systems and seem incapable of injecting any sense of nous, quality or continental style talent. Capello may have been in the game for years as well as  being paid a small fortune, but the truth of the matter is when it comes to England, you, me or even the wife’s mother could do an equivalent job. England, as clearly shown by their last outing, are not good enough and having a Italian veteran at the helm isn’t going to make a scrap of difference.

Big Man City.

Wow. Doesn’t the injection of a few quid make a difference? One minute, Manchester City are continuing their lengthy impression as the second biggest club in the city when suddenly: BAM – they’re offering £30 million for Berbatov and then signing Robinho from Real Madrid right under the noses of Chelsea for a British record fee. What a roller coaster ride for City fans. One minute you’re in bed with a man who’s got millions but might struggle to win Thailand’s Man of the Year award, the next you’re in the clutches of the Abu Dhabi United Group. And to put that in context, they’re worth about 28 times that of Roman Abramovich.  And what of poor old Chelsea? Down the road, they’ve got Ecclestone, Briatore and Co in charge of QPR (c’mon on you Super Hoops) and now the might of the Arabian Dirham moves in at Eastlands. Geez, the Blues will be in your local soup kitchen next.

Go Tiny.

A Footy Boots punter wrote in to us recently asking if we knew how he should best go about running a small club. The answer is easy mate. Buy Newcastle United and wait a few years.

The 19th hole.

News has reached us that the LPGA in the USA are to introduce an English proficiency exam for all their professional golfers. The reason, they say, is that event winners should be able to converse with the fans and media in English and also with major sponsors and players in pro-am’s. The real reason, you might suspect, is that they are fed up with Asian players winning many of their tournaments and speaking their mother tongue as they go round. Either way, can you imagine the chaos if the Premier League introduced a rule that all players must have a rudimentary grasp of the English language. Virtually every foreigner would be fine while the majority of players born in England, Scotland, Wales and either Ireland wouldn’t last two minutes. And for any home grown players reading this, two is the number after one and before three.

Fabio Fee

Here’s a worrying thought. Fabio Capello earns in a week what David Brailsford earns in a year. Brailsford’s name might not be familiar to you but the exploits of his charges will be. For Brailsford is the Performance Director of British cycling and is the man credited with delivering 14 medals from the velodrome in Beijing. True, he’s been in the post a lot longer than the Italian but you get the impression that if he’d walked in to England team training the day before the game against the Czech Republic, Brailsford would have got more out of the national team than Capello managed. Brailsford doesn’t do losers, plucky finalists or also rans. He does winners.  Capello and his management team could do a lot worse than spending a bit of time with Brailsford getting to know his methods. After that shocker at Wembley, it certainly couldn’t do any harm.

GB United 2012

Having been in Beijing to witness first hand the football tournament at the Olympics, I am more convinced than ever that Great Britain must enter a team for the Games of 2012. The final between Argentina and Nigeria was played out in front of a 90,000 packed house at the Birds Nest as Messi, Riquelme and Co beat the African’s 1 – 0 to take the gold medal. Even if BOA officials agree to only form a team for 2012 and never again, it has to do so, whatever the objections of the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish. Fifa say it isn’t a problem and national identities won’t be eroded, the government is keen (or at least, haven’t found a way of cocking it up yet) and with fervent home support, the team should be competitive. Even if it turns out to be a purely English side under a GB banner that will be better than nothing. We invented the game for goodness sake so let’s play on the biggest stage of all.

Beijing Becks

China may be full of 1.3 billion people who are constantly reminded that we in the West are a bunch of opportunistic capitalist pigs, but the locals that packed in to the Wukesong Culture and Sports Centre didn’t seem too concerned about that when they turned out in their thousands for the basketball final between the USA and Spain. And, you’d have thought that the likes of Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, not to mention Pau Gasol of Spain would have been the big draws. Well, they were until an image of ‘our David’ was flashed up on the giant screen. In an instant 200 photographers forgot about the match and the 16,000 strong crowd followed them as everyone tried to work out where Beckham was sitting in the stadium. As it happened, he was located just behind the best looking woman in the joint who was soon under the Beck’s spell as he offered her a breath mint. He may be in the winter of his career on the field, but off it, the boy’s still got it. And in spades.

Double Dealing Daniel

His star striker has thrown a wobbly and his side has been beaten in their opening two Premier League games by, wait for it, Boro and Sunderland. No wonder Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy looks about as happy as a primary school teacher who’s just seen one of the kids take a tinkle in the Lego box.  And some would say serve him right. It’s all well and good having a bash at Manchester United for their pursuit of Dimitar Berbatov who’s “under contract” when, barely 12 months earlier, you’ve flown off to Spain and signed up a manager who was  “under contract” to someone else. What goes round comes round. Ramos to vamos anyone?

Breaking Point

Having been involved in the English game for a few months now, national coach Fabio Capello has echoed the cries of two his predecessors, Steve McClaren and Sven Goran Eriksson, by demanding that the Premier League instigate a winter break. Capello says he can’t believe the demands made on England’s elite players and that some sort of rest period is needed for the likes of Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard and Wayne Rooney to recharge their batteries. Those wonderful guardians of the game at the Premier League, who have for so long argued against such a plan, now say they are thinking of instigating a break from 2011. Can it be that, at last, the boys at Soho Square are genuinely concerned about the fate of the England team? Well, no as it happens. The Premier League wants to use the break to stage a series of mid season overseas tournaments which will involve England’s top players. It is, apparently, about expanding the brand and the hope from the PL is that this plan will replace the much ridiculed 39th international round. Whether it does or doesn’t it’s clear that in footballs corridors of power it’s making money that counts even to the detriment of the national team. Shameful really.

Refs Rule

If you thought that Rangers v Falkirk (1230 on Saturday) was the first match up of the new season in Scotland, then you’d be wrong. There’s a fantastic encounter currently being played out by the Scottish Referees Association and the SPL. As it stands, the refs might not officiate over the weekend as they have yet to agree a new pay deal. The men in black have been offered £600 per game but are holding out for £800. The only problem is, having seen the standard of Scottish officiating over the past few years, if they don’t turn up on Saturday there’s a real chance that no-one will miss them and that the games will be rather better as a result.

Just Nicolas

You’d think that a club like Chelsea would have options in every position as the new season approaches. But when it comes to front men, it seems not. Didier Drogba is injured, Andriy Shevchenko is recovering from groin surgery and Salomon Kalou is in China playing for the Ivory Coast at the Olympic Games. Which leaves new manager Luiz Felipe Scolari with…..wait for it now…….Nicolas Anelka. And how many league goals did the moody French star score last season after his £15 million move from Bolton? One. Must give Scolari a nice, warm feeling all over!

Boooorrrring

Anyone else bored senseless by the Barry to Liverpool and Ronaldo to Madrid sagas? Yup, thought so.

Hansen sense

Thank goodness for Alan Hansen. The former Liverpool defender turned BBC pundit has made use of two of his favourite words, grit and determination, and urged Fifa to ban the current offside law. He says no-one in the Western World understands it and that the law itself is in utter chaos. Despite this, and a couple of examples of correct but seemingly baffling offside decisions at Euro 2008, the Premier League’s Head of Refs, Keith Hackett, says everything is fine and it’s the TV pundits who are causing the problems by not understanding the rules. Hackett alleges that the key area of confusion is currently determined by the PIG criteria – if a player doesn’t Play, Interfere or Gain (an advantage) he is fine.  Mr Hackett needs to get out more. The initials he quotes do play a part in the offside law, but only because Fifa have made a PIG’s ear of it. It exists only because people like Mr Hackett are happy to follow the party line and back them on it.

Generous Keegan

Many of us will have a view on Kevin Keegan’s abilities as a top flight manager, but as a human being, it’s hard to find fault with him. Not many of his colleagues would have been  prepared to give Joey Barton yet another chance but Keegan is backing the troubled midfielder to turn his life around. Barton, who was released from prison yesterday after serving just over 2 months of a 6 month sentence for assault and affray should thank his lucky stars he has a boss like Keegan, be the first in and last out of training everyday, give up the booze, lose his undesirable friends and find a few worthwhile causes to back with his £50,000 a week salary. Then he might be deserving of the opportunity Keegan has given him.

No fans

Even after his idea was laughed out of court by virtually everyone in authority within the game, The Premier League’s Chief Executive Peter Scudamore insists that his plans for a 39th international round of PL matches are far from dead. This, you may remember, is the absurd idea for England’s clubs to pack their bags during the season, jet off to all parts of the world and do battle for league points. Scudamore insists that he’s confident such a scheme will work due to the pulling power of the Premier League. Perhaps he should take a look at how many fans Chelsea attracted in their friendly against Chengdu in football mad Macau the other day. Mind you, he’ll have to look closely as the figure was a paltry 5,000. If ever an idea was dead in the water, it’s this one. Move on Peter.

Luton Down

Luton Town have been given the OK to start the new League Two season after the club’s new owners, LTFC 2020, accepted the deal offered to them by the Football league last month. And what a deal it is. LTFC 2020 will be allowed to remove the club from administration, providing they pay creditors 16p in the pound, and the club will start off at minus 30 points. I’ll run that past you again. Minus 30 points.  To put that in perspective, Mansfield and Wrexham were relegated from League Two last season despite amassing 42 and 40 points respectively. Chester City survived on 47 points. So, using that as a template, Luton will have to show the form of a Top Six club merely to stay up. Perhaps they could better use their time searching on their Sat Nav’s for the likes of Kidderminster, Histon and Northwich as they’re the type of teams they’ll be up against in 2008 / 2009. The Blue Square Premier beckons.

Naughty United

The sheer level of hypocrisy in football reached staggering new heights this week when Manchester United made it clear that it was their intention to lure Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov to Old Trafford. For weeks now there’s been much wailing and gnashing of teeth from United officials over Real Madrid’s pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo. United have described the Spanish club’s behaviour as unprofessional (at best) and underhand (at worst). And they’ve even handed in a written complaint to Fifa. So what, you may ask, is the difference between Madrid’s desire to land Ronaldo and United’s efforts to sign Berbatov? Well, not much. Just as Ronaldo is under contract to United so is the Bulgarian striker to Tottenham. Spurs chairman Daniel Levy, though hardly whiter than white himself particularly when it comes to replacing managers, is about as cross as a primary school teacher who’s just seen one of her pupils take a leak in the Lego box. He says he’s told United that Berbatov isn’t for sale and yet Sir Alex Ferguson says he expects the deal to be concluded soon. Levy described Ferguson’s actions as “Probably one of the worst offences by any manager in the Premier League to date and is unbelievably hypocritical given his recent comments in respect of Cristiano Ronaldo and Real Madrid.” We can therefore only wonder how Spurs will go about things if they do eventually sell Berbatov and then meet with resistance from other clubs when they attempt to replace him.

All seeing Fabio

Fabio Capello made an appearance at London store Harvey Nicholls last week to promote a range of spectacles. Before the event got underway, the attending journalists were told that they couldn’t ask the England manager any questions about sport, his private life or politics. It must have been a fascinating evening then for all those who made the effort to go along. Tell me Fabio, are you a titanium frame man or more of a traditionalist? A single vision supporter or fan of bifocals? Wow, I’m excited. In fact I’m off to buy the latest copy of Spectacles Monthly I’m that enthused.

Pele advice

If a man who is generally acknowledged at the best footballer of all time offers you a touch of advice, you’d be a fool not to listen. That’s why Wayne Rooney must take heed of Pele’s words following Manchester United’s pre-season friendly against Kaiser Chiefs. Rooney’s temper, borne out of frustration, got the better of him again and he was replaced with 20 minutes to go after lashing out at one defender then scything down another, a challenge that earned him a booking. Pele says he believes Rooney’s temperament is hampering his development. Good point when you think that in an England shirt, the United forward hasn’t come anywhere near reproducing his form of Euro 2004. There’s been the occasional flash of brilliance but nothing like the game turning displays he was famous for as a precocious 19 year old. Perhaps Wayne should persuade Colleen that a spot of shopping in Sao Paulo is in order so he can pop in and see the great man for a quick chat.

Really injured?

With the new season just a few weeks away I’m sure we are all equally excited about seeing the myriad of new ways that professional footballers can throw themselves to the floor and roll about in agony claiming that they’ve just been a victim of GBH, ABH and wounding with intent. A look across to the world of golf will show what can be achieved injured or not. Tiger Woods prevailed in the US Open despite hobbling around for 4 days with a dicky knee (which later required surgery) while Irishman Padraig Harrington successfully defended his Open title even though his preparations had been badly affected by an injured wrist. You see boys, it is possible.

Where’s Carlos?

You have to wonder how Sir Alex Ferguson and Manchester United are feeling after the departure of Carlos Queiroz who’s taken over as the new coach of Portugal. Slightly let down you would have thought. Mind you, it can’t have come as too much of a surprise as the guy has a bit of previous when it comes to leaving United in the lurch. Five years ago, the lure of Real Madrid proved too much to turn down and Queiroz went to the Spanish giants, lasting only one hugely disappointing season before returning to Manchester in his old ‘number 2’ role. Four years on, and he’s off again. In fact, the Portuguese job is the 11th he’s had since his professional coaching career started in 1990. 11 jobs in 18 years? That either makes him not overly loyal or not overly good. You decide.

Fowler Trial

New Blackburn Rovers boss Paul Ince is apparently offering his former Liverpool colleague Robbie Fowler a trial at Ewood Park. Not sure about you but the word trial when used in conjunction with a 33 year old just doesn’t see right somehow. A trial is what you give a 15 year old kid or an unknown foreigner who rocks up at your club with a letter from his agent informing you that he’s the best thing since Pele. I think we can safely assume that a man who is the fourth highest scorer in Premier League history knows where the goal is. The only thing Fowler has to prove is that he retains the level of fitness required to play at the very top level. So why not call it exactly that – a fitness test and get on with it.

Slave? Idiots!

Being a slave equates to being forcibly removed from your friends and loved ones, being transported around the world in the cruellest of conditions, being treated with unspeakable barbarism and often being killed for little or no reason. It does not equate to being paid huge sums of money, swanning around in a £100,000 motor car, living in a big house and having millions of devoted fans. Sepp Blatter and Cristiano Ronaldo have both shown their total ignorance of history with their fatuous remarks of the past few days. They should both be ashamed.

Growing Michel

From the emails and comments I’ve received, it’s clear that many of you have clocked that I’m not a great fan of Uefa boss Michel Platini. Great footballer, yes. Great administrator, no. Annoyingly, for me anyway, despite scouring the sports pages and numerous web sites, I’ve been unable to find anything that he’s said or done this week to complain about. So instead, I’ll leave you with this question. Do you think that Michel eats at the same burger bar as Ronaldinho these days?

Cheapo Gareth

How much are Liverpool prepared to pay to land the signature of Gareth Barry? If you listen to the reports coming out of Villa Park, the answer is not too much by all accounts. Liverpool have so far not come close enough to Villa’s valuation and indeed, their opening bid was so far off the pace that it was met by ridicule and fury by Villa officials. It’s since been upped to around £15 million, though that’s still less than Manchester United paid for Michael Carrick and Owen Hargreaves who Villa consider to be Barry’s equals, and in Carrick’s case, his England understudy. But Liverpool might have a problem. And it’s the expectation their manager Rafael Benitez has created in the transfer world by the price he’s put on some of his current players. He’s been quoted that £15 million, wouldn’t be unreasonable for Peter Crouch (though he’s likely to be off to Portsmouth for a bit less). That’s the same Peter Crouch that warmed the Liverpool bench for much of last season. And the same Peter Crouch who only seems to play for England when others aren’t fit. If he’s worth £15 million, then England and Villa regular Barry, using Benitez’s own logic, must be worth more.

Quiet Arsenal

Still on the transfer front, is anyone else surprised by the lack of activity at the Emirates Stadium? You’d have thought that manager Arsene Wenger would have wanted to build on their promising but largely developmental season of 2007 / 08. Instead, he’s been strangely inactive. True, Cardiff’s Aaron Ramsey has joined the club and they are still in talks with French international Samir Nasri but with Alaxander Hleb keen to depart for Barcelona, Mathieu Flamini already in situ with AC Milan and Jens Lehmann back in Germany, it’s really a case of 2 in, 3 out. Is that going to be enough to make the up the 4 points they finished behind Manchester United last season? Answers on a post card please.

New balls please

If you want to know how technology could be best employed in football, I hope you were watching the men’s singles final at Wimbledon. That’s right, stuffy, old fashioned, stuck in their ways Wimbledon. Not any more. Whenever Nadal or Federer challenged a line call, it was announced by the umpire, ‘Hawkeye’ ran the computer simulation and the answer was there on screen for all to see. And normally in around 10 seconds or less. Michel Platini says that won’t work in football and he’d rather use two additional assistant referees to decide if a ball has crossed the goal line. I’m thinking about dropping Platini an email on this subject, but that could be a waste of time as he’s probably still powering his organisation by candle light. Perhaps methane might be a better bet bearing in mind how much c**p comes out of his Uefa office.

Top Table Rick

Congratulations must go to Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry and his opposite number at Chelsea, Peter Kenyon, who’ve both been elected to the board of the newly formed European Club Association. The ECA has been established to replace the now defunct G14 and says it will tackle the games pressing issues over the next 2 years. Oh really? These great men will be discussing financial pressures on small, lower league clubs will they? Dodgy transfer deals, bungs, fixed games on the continent and inflated ticket prices? No, of course they wont. What they mean by ‘pressing issues’ are pressing to them. This football quango is sadly rather like its political equivalent, the G8 - the leaders of which enjoyed an 8 course dinner last night before discussing the world food crisis.

Big Payers

There may be a credit crunch on but that hasn’t stopped Setanta Sport from splashing out a record amount to secure live broadcast rights for the Scottish Premier League. The TV company has paid out a whopping £125 million for a four year deal, taking them up to 2014. It’s the biggest ever TV deal in Scottish football history and dwarfs the present contract, worth a paltry £54.5m. You have to say well done to the SPL for securing such a sensational agreement and at the same time, wonder why Setanta are willing to pay out such a ridiculous amount of money, particularly in the current financial climate, for a 2 horse race.

TV Neville

Manchester United’s Gary Neville may not have given up on his playing career just yet but at 33 and having missed almost the whole of last season with injury, it’s going to be hard for the England full back to force his way back in to proceedings at Old Trafford. However, Neville can at least rest easy that another career is beckoning after his performances as a studio pundit with ITV at Euro 2008. Neville was a breath of fresh air – telling it like it was, opinionated, forceful and pretty erudite too. Over on the other side, Alan Hansen did his normal trick of churning out his stock sentences  to suit whatever game he was watching (grit and determination being the most used), Alan Shearer was no where near as bad as too many media reports would have you believe and Martin O’Neill, when not away with the fairies, was his usual interesting but slightly barmy self. Neville though probably made the biggest impact of the ‘sofa boys’ and a long career in front of the cameras awaits.

England

Let’s agree that Euro 2008 was one of England’s finest hours. Nearly 3 weeks of football and not one goal conceded, not one player booked or sent off, no dodgy headlines involving dentist chairs or WAGS and no crowd trouble. Way to Fabio, way to go.

How Low can you go

Talking of finest hours, you have to hand it to the German coach Joachim Low for getting his side so far in the competition. They were average in the group stages where they even suffered defeat at the hands of Croatia, admittedly had a purple patch against Portugal in the quarter finals and then struggled to overcome a makeshift Turkey side missing half a dozen regulars in the last four. But the fact is that Germany always do enough to give themselves a chance and with players who, man for man, would struggle to break in to other international outfits. Interestingly, many pundits have named their ‘Team of the Tournament’ over the past few days and Michael Ballack is about the only German player who merits a mention. Perhaps Herr Low motivated his charges by promising them a few of his tight fitting, hand made white shirts that he modelled with such style on the touchline. Whatever it was, he should bottle it and sell it, perhaps to a few higher paid but lesser successful coaches.

Best team

Interesting thing about the four quarter finals at Euro 2008. With the exception of Spain, all three teams that rested their best players for their final group game got beaten in the last eight. Portugal waltzed through their group but were undone by new tournament favourites Germany. Croatia must have thought they were on their way after a group win over the Germans but reckoned without the come back powers of Turkey while Holland, who were magnificent in the group stages, were simply outplayed by Russia who progressed to the semis after extra time. All of the above lends a lot to the argument that you should play your best team all the time. No exceptions.

Spain on the spot

Congratulations have to go to Cesc Fabregas as he put an end to Spain’s appalling run of penalty shoot out defeats at major championships. The always seemingly underachieving Spaniards lost out on pens in the quarter finals of the World Cups of 1986 and 2002 and at Euro 96. Astonishingly, all 3 of those losses came on June 22nd, the same day as their game against Italy in Vienna. Perhaps that’s why the Italians seemed intent on playing for spot kicks from the first minute of a desperately disappointing match, ending up with exactly what they deserved. Zilch.

My mistake

Referee’s rarely hold up their hands and admit mistakes but hats off to Lubos Michel who did the unthinkable the other day and gave a player a rare reprieve. As the clock ticked close to injury time in the Holland v Russia game, referee Michel gave Russian defender Denis Kolodin his marching orders after he picked up a second yellow for fouling Wesley Sjneider. But before the cards were back in his pocket, he raced over to assistant who confirmed that Sneijder had previously failed to keep the ball in play and therefore, the foul, and subsequest booking, should be overlooked. Without turning a hair, Michel awarded Russia a goal kick, rescinded the yellow card and allowed Kolodin to stay on the pitch. The entire episode took a matter of seconds and based on the assistant referee’s viewpoint, the correct decision was taken and common sense prevailed. No surprise then that Uefa has overlookd Michel for the final and given it to Roberto Rosetti ? without doubt, the best performing Italian by a mile at the competition, players and managers included.

Blue Scolari

No sooner had the dust settled on Portugal’s quarter final defeat by Germany before the Portuguese authorities laid the blame at Chelsea’s door for announcing that Luiz Felipe Scolari would be the new manager at Stamford Bridge whilst Big Phil’s national team was still involved in the tournament. To be fair to FPF chief Gilberto Madail, he’s got a point, the timing stank. But it’s hard to see how it could have affected Scolari’s ability to do his job properly. In fact, he should be thanking Chelsea for taking Scolari off his hands as his record at major championships has been on a downwards spiral since he won the World Cup with Brazil. Over the past 4 years, he’s taken Portugal to the final of Euro 2004 (which they lost) the semi finals of the 2006 World Cup (which they lost) and now the quarter finals of Euro 2008 (I take it you’ve caught on by now). Chelsea to lose in the 3rd round of the League Cup to (insert name of lowly ranked League One side here) anyone?

Rules shambles

It’s been over a week but I still can’t get over the Ruud van Nistelrooy goal for Holland against Italy. I’ve recovered from girlfriends leaving me quicker than this. Yes, I know Uefa has wheeled out expert after expert to say the goal was legitimate but it’s the criteria they’ve used which has caused me to scratch my head even more. To any proper fan, like you and me, van Nistelrooy was offside plain and simple. Uefa say he wasn’t, as Christian Panucci was playing him onside despite being on his backside, injured and off the pitch. The trouble with this argument is, quite simply, where do you draw the line? Using Uefa’s own explanation surely Russia’s goal against Greece should not have counted as Sergei Semak committed the same ‘crime’ as Panucci. After hooking the ball back in to the 6 yard box, Semak slid off the pitch (without the referees permission) before Konstatin Zyryanov stroked the ball home. If the rules say that a prone defender is active, surely an attacker, who’s just delivered a scoring pass, is equally active. And if he is, the officials should have chalked off the goal. Sadly, an organisation such as Uefa, who can ban Porto from the Champions League for cheating one week then review their decision a few days later, are unlikely to put much store on common sense and ditch such a rule. No doubt they’ll continue to play by the book, no matter how ridiculous it has become.

Rules 2

There was a great day of live international rugby union on the TV on Saturday, then later, some more examples of text book rugby tackles at Euro 2008 ? invariably before the taking of any corner. For years now, the penalty box melee before a corner is delivered more resembles a WWE ring than part of a football pitch. You half expect The Undertaker to walk on at any point and ‘tombstone’ the nearest attacker. So it must have been galling for the Poles to see referee Howard Webb point to the spot after a bit of over zealous grappling in the closing stages of their game against Austria. Webb was quite correct to award the spot kick as Mariusz Lewandowski was definitely holding Sebastian Prodl. But there must be a few dozen similar instances in every game that go unpunished. Coaches and players want consistency from officials. At Euro 2008, all they are getting is consistent inconsistency.

Rules 3

And there’s more. Players, we are told almost weekly by the likes of Andy Gray, can legitimately go to ground in the box if there’s ‘contact’ by a defender. That being the case, it’s hard to see how referee Peter Vink failed to award a penalty when Swedish defender Johan Elmander barged in to the back of Spain’s David Silva like a raging bull elephant after one too many cans of Irn Bru. That wasn’t just contact, it was closer to a mugging.

Phew!

Does anyone else have a sneaky feeling that it might have been quite a good thing that England didn’t make it to Austria and Switzerland? We’d have suffered weeks of hype and tons of expectation and then ‘our boys’ would have come up against the likes of Portugal, Holland and Spain. I’m as patriotic as they come but I can’t help feeling that the likes of Rio, JT and Wazza would have fared little better than the England side of 1988. Three games, three defeats.